September 16th, 2001


It got personal on Friday

This will I think, be my only journal comment on this.
It took some time to put all the words together.

Grief is a funny thing, I've not lost many over the years and even fewer that were close.
I'm not even truly sure how one is supposed to feel.

I worked in NYC for over twenty years. For most of that time, I commuted through WTC.
I feel shock and loss of familiar surroundings.

On Friday, it became far more personal.
My cousin's son-in-law was ID'd from his belt badge.
He had been on the 84th. I knew who he was. It was mostly a "weddings and funerals" kind of thing.

I learned that a programmer from my floor - a face I knew
without the name attached - is in Cornell, burn, with 70%
of her body involved. She ran the Valentines for seniors
initiative and helped with the "Summer reading to children" program.

And, it was confirmed that one of the passengers on the PA plane was an old friend, someone that I had known, and driven with, and drunk with, and shared with for a period of ten years, before we each married and drifted, as sometimes happens in life. We hadn't seen each other in about twenty five years. Still a car fan, a Morgan in his garage, he was simply trying to take a late summer vacation.

None of these are people that I was currently close to.
But I still have two funerals to attend this week, at least for "social" reasons.
I feel shock, I feel sadness. The sense of loss I feel is for them not me.
They were cheated.

I wish I could feel the consolation of religion. I believe in god, to the extent of a "prime mover". It would be comforting to believe in "heaven", but at best I can only be "not sure." That is one of the reasons that I try to live my life in fullness, I want the most that I can have, and don't know of anymore after "life" is done.
It is a maybe...........

I am angry, and I don't want to be.
I am angry at those who were so stupid as to do this - but at least they thought they were right.
I am angry at whomever was behind them, five years, over $1,000,000 up front. But at least he thought that he was right. [He of course must be destroyed - I would prefer quietly but definitively.]

I am angriest at those all around the globe - both here and there - that have followed a policy of appeasement toward this man because they were afraid that he might hurt them, that they were too close, and could be attacked.
They were too lazy, too weak, to stand up to him.
That was cowardliness.
They have forfeited their right to lead men.
That must change.
They were wrong.

I am in total agreement with the sentiment expressed by Mr. Bush. Nowhere in the world can any nation harbor or accept any form of terrorism.

May we all find peace.